Struth

Protecting children from sexual abuse

The Tasmanian inquiry into child sexual abuse in institutional care uncovered many facts and failings but what is hardest to speak about and act on is the culture in the Tasmanian community that allows perpetrators to hide in plain sight.

The facts and failings are easier to speak about. Policies and procedures can be improved. In fact we have been improving policies and procedures for decades, this is the second royal commission and there is no evidence yet that things have changed, in fact when the letter of the law is followed and there is still not enough evidence to convict and a teacher, nurse or doctor still keeps their registration or a police officer is cleared, the victim is left even more bereft.

If justice is what is missing we have a long way to go. If protecting future children from future harm is a goal then there are things we can do as individuals and as a community. If believing and supporting somebody this happened to so they can heal and move on is what is missing then we the community can do that.

Victims repeatedly asked ‘who was looking after me”

Bystander children repeatedly said “everyone knew”

Many adults reported that they suspected something wasn’t right.

Perpetrators were emboldened by the cultural inaction.

What follows is a blueprint to change the culture in Tasmania.

Culture is like the air we breathe. It sustains our way of life but is mostly invisible and hard to speak about.

Cultural change happens when children’s safety is prioritised over the reputation of the accused or the organisation that they work for.

Cultural change happens when a child’s truth is heard, and that child is made safe again.

At the very least, for a child to accuse an adult of sexual abuse there must be something seriously lacking in that adult’s ability to look after that child.

The first step in cultural change is a change in emotion. We need to change the default of “what if he didn’t do it?” to entertain the possibility of “what if he did do it?”

‘What if he didn’t do it” has an emotional response around the fear of consequences for wrongly accusing and damaging reputations and for the retaliation that might further damage the accuser. The emotion is self doubt and powerless. There might even be overwhelm in the face of the insurmountable power of official people or institutions. This emotion makes a person feel diminished. This is normally what happens when a criminal informant has to testify about a mob boss. That level of danger discloses the power that the current culture has over us.

“What if he did it?” evokes an emotion of righteous indignation, strength, a quest for truth and a restoration of dignity. It knows that if he is proven innocent his dignity will be intact because the process of investigating is true and fair and any good person would submit to it for the greater good of protecting our children. This emotion makes a person feel whole.

How to change the culture

It starts with a strange vibe. A child might report that a person feels creepy or unsafe. It takes a lot of self trust to notice that and a lot of trust in a safe person to disclose that they feel that way.

We need to stop child sexual abuse before it starts and it starts with a feeling of something not being right. It is the feeling we get when the invisible rules that we live by in our culture are transgressed.

The spectrum of strange

Uncomfortable….disturbing…..unsafe….creepy….icky….scared……terrified….chilling

Everyone knows these feelings, everyone has felt them at times even if it was just watching cringeworthy TV shows.

Are you a safe person?

A safe person is loving, stable, reliable, honest, trustworthy, open, curious and a good listener.

A safe person is curious to understand a child’s experience. They acknowledge that what a child experiences is their truth.

A safe person tries to understand a child’s perspective by putting themselves in the child’s shoes and seeing the world through their eyes. Small children are often very naive, older children are often more circumspect. A safe person understands that recurrent betrayals lead to cynicism and distrust but a safe person accepts that and listens anyway.

What is an unsafe person?

An unsafe person dismisses or diminishes a child’s experience. They try to retell the reality portrayed to protect the person or institution involved. An unsafe person may even coerce or punish the child for disclosing.

An unsafe person may even further traumatise the child by invading boundaries and demanding answers.

Are you a Boss?

Not all safe people can be a Boss, though many are. Listening is a vital first step but a Boss knows what to do about it. A Boss has all the qualities of a safe person but also has competence to get the job done.

When we say “Thanks boss” it is because we got what we needed.

When we say “you’re a boss’ it is because we acknowledge that you have the authority to ensure the job is done. When a child’s safe person is not a Boss, they need to know who to go to.

In a family the Boss is often a mother, auntie or a grandmother. But any person can be the Boss of their family. The one who doesn’t allow wrongdoing to another person and treats everyone equally and dispenses justice fairly.

A Boss says this is my job and the buck stops with me and they get an outcome that makes the child safe again. They coordinate with police and lawyers to make sure there is transparency and honesty around the child’s disclosure and any evidence available.

In institutions the head of the institution, as we discovered in the Royal Commission, isn’t always the Boss when it comes to a child’s concerns. In Tasmania, the report revealed that institutional heads are often Dodgy when it comes to investigating suspicious behaviour in relation to child sexual boundaries.

In Tasmania, everybody has a Boss, even if it is the supreme court of Australia.

Are you a Dodgy Boss?

A Dodgy Boss holds a position of authority in a family, community or institution but is also an unsafe person. If you come across a Dodgy Boss you will know it because you will have an emotional response in the “strange range” Uncomfortable, disturbed, unsafe, creepy, icky, scared, terrified or chilling. Remember a Dodgy Boss always has a Boss. Keep speaking to the people up the chain until you find a Boss.

The short version

When our community listens to children and acknowledges that at the very least, for a child to accuse an adult of sexual abuse there must be something seriously wrong with that adults ability to take care of that child then our community will demand that from that moment that adult should not be put in a position of looking after that child. If that occurs in the family then that child needs to be with a safe person in their family while the claim is investigated.

If it happens in an institution, school, hospital, club etc then our community should demand that that adult not be allowed to look after that child and their ability to look after any child should be questioned.

The Royal Commission has made anonymous reporting much easier. When everyone who once kept quiet has a forum to share, the weight of stories will effect change.

If that is the standard in our community then we might have a chance of keeping our children safe.